DAWLISH
I’m gonna shit in Joe Manchin’s mouth
Won’t do it for the North; I do it for the South
There are worse senators, but he’s really got my goat
That’s why Aberforth is helping me by shitting down his throat!
Joe Manchin thinks that coal and turds are super yummy
So the real Santa Clause will drop a sackful in his tummy
Forget Tim Allen - it’s APWBD
Came back from King’s Cross just to help Joe and me
At my coming out party, man it’s gonna be thrilling
I’m the non-binary secret Dumbledore sibling!

DAWLISH, ABERFORTH, AND ALBUS (WITH BACKUP FROM ARCHIE)
It’s a family affair, it’s a family affair
When we shit in Joe Manchin it’s a family affair
Like Slughorn’s overstuffed chair
But filled with more than just air
When we shit in Joe Manchin it’s a family affair

It’s a family affair, it’s a family affair
When we shit in Joe Manchin it’s a family affair
We funk without a future, drop dung without a care
When we shit in Joe Manchin it’s a family affair

ARIANA
H
E
B
E

Paint won’t fade
Like my memory

First it’s drip drip drip
Then a splat splat splat
Go the sin sin sins
Of your past past past
You could have fought my siblings off, but now there’s no controllin:
Ariana Dumbledore is gonna haunt your colon!
Fuck Aurelius, I’m the primo SDS
Secret Dumbledore Sibling if you couldn’t fucking guess
Why’d he come back to life? It’s a damn shame
When your characterization is also your last name
Fuck the yankees, racist too but just keep it quiet
Let the right devour the world with just a couple riots
Gonna tank the rising tides more than your own constituents
Though equally deserving of little to no deliverance
Belligerence will get you far in politics, it’s true
But you’ll get even farther with appendix full of poo

ARCHIE/ARIANA
Dragon’s blood?
Another dozen!
But now back
To Manchin’s munchin’!

SOMEONE WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE JOE MANCHIN, IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO TELL
*delighted munching sounds*

DAWLISH
He kindly spreads his legs so everyone can see
His anus dentata and it’s ready to feed
Just sucking up poops like reverse laying eggs

ARIANA
He loves it more than Ted Cruz loves his own piss-covered legs!

ARCHIE
*Allegedly

ARIANA
Thank you Archie

ARCHIE
Don’t mention it
Please

BONUS SONG
Almost heaven, shittin’ in Joe Manchin
He really enjoys having dung in all his innards
Poop in his bladder
But don’t worry at all
Unlike you and me Joe Manchin stores pee in his balls

Joe Manchin! Loves to eat poo
This isn’t libel
I tell ya true
It could be slander
If not for me
Saying Joe Manchin loves eating shit…
(Allegedly)